tuned in: Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word
My two biggest problems in life are that I live in a world of guilt and I never want anyone to think that I’m a b**ch. I hate hurting peoples feelings and will bend over backwards -most times putting myself into incredibly difficult positions- to avoid it. When you own your own business, these character flaws can be exceedingly hampering to the progression of your enterprise. The book Ambition was excellent in helping me realize that standing your ground and getting what you want out of a deal has nothing to do with being mean, but rather everything to do with being a smart and savvy business person.
I am writing this because it seems quite apparent to me that many women struggle with guilt and worry about being mean, as it is a common theme in the book. 45 year old female CEO’s of successful publicly traded companies still grapple with these issues, so I was happy to see that I am not alone. Author Dr Debra Condren was able to instill in me that if you are prepared and know your stuff the only thing that could possibly stand in your way on your journey to success is yourself. In today’s day and age, women are still raised to nurture -which is fine in the home- but can be detrimental in the boardroom. The statistics say it all:
‘Women do two-thirds of the worlds work. Yet they earn only one tenth of the worlds income, own less than one percent of the world’s property. They are the poorest of the world’s poor.”
Although I have gotten much better at standing up for myself in business it is a steep learning curve, one that makes me literally feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff (maybe that’s why I like it…). I like to believe that we all live in this fairy tale world where we all want to hold hands and help each other out, but the reality is, we don’t. When I first started my own business years ago I used to think it was such a treat when people (who I was paying) wanted to do business with me. I was very young and it took me time to realize that they needed me just as much -sometimes even more- as I needed them. When Dr Condren wrote this in the book “Women get so thrilled with the opportunity to get work while men want to know how it benefits them first ‘what’s in it for me’.” It totally clicked and I began repeating this to myself: My time and my expertise are just as valuable as yours. I am a smart, educated woman that knows what she wants and how she wants it. And although I really do care how you are and what’s going on in your life don’t think for a second because I’m nice I’m dispensable.
Queen Rania of Jordan
So since its true, as Queen Rania of Jordan once said on Oprah “poverty is a woman” then I think its time for women all around the world to start thinking a little bit more about themselves first. We are only powerful when we are strong and not at the mercy of others. When we take life into our own hands and stop worrying about who we’re offending and why, we might start gaining the power we deserve. To quote the Queen one more time “The best advertisement for empowering women is an empowered woman”
I highly recommend this book, no matter what you do for a living. It will really open your eyes to the root of many problems women deal with in the workplace and provides simple solutions to gaining the success you desire.
What issue do you find stands in your way in the workplace?
xoxo,
Coco
June 26th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Ok, I’m really going to get this book! I wrote down the title when you first mentioned it however never quite got around to purchasing, however, now that I’ve started my own business so many insecurities have begun to creep in. Am I asking too much? Can I compete on the level I’m aspiring to? I hope this book will help me get a grip!
June 26th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I am totally going to get this book! I had never heard of it previous to your post! Thanks for the info!
June 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Thank you, Coco, for your wonderful review. I love the insights that You, yourself, added, especially:
“I am a smart, educated woman that knows what she wants and how she wants it.” This is a great Coco mantra.
also:
“And although I really do care how you are and what’s going on in your life don’t think for a second because I’m nice I’m dispensable.” Another great Coco mantra.
I think that we all [women] have to keep learning this one over and over again. We’re so used to putting our own needs at the bottom of the priorities pile that often our turn never comes.
LaTrelle: Now that you’ve stated your own business, stare down your insecurities. (But realize that you’re in good company; almost all of us women have these feelings and fears that come up, that we somehow don’t know our stuff and our going to be found out as a fraud; that we’re charging too much (who do we think we are? We have this audio tape playing between our ears: “Will we lose clients if we charge what we KNOW, deep inside ourselves, that we are worth? Will we alienate our friends and coworkers? Will our children suffer? Will we repel a mate? Does it make us greedy to go after our biggest dreams — and get paid well for doing meaningful, challenging work?” And on and on…
We all do it. But once we Realize what we’re doing — doubting ourselves, questioning our talents and our right to make the contribution we were born to make — once we make that conscious, we learn to Stop doing it. That’s the great news.
I do hope you’ll read my book. I also have many advice columns, including many on starting and running your own business, on my website.
Thank you again, Coco.
Women: The world deserves to hear from us.
Sincerely,
Debra
June 26th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Coco, I also very much appreciate that you reminded us of this great quote from Queen Rania of Jordan:
“The best advertisement for empowering women is an empowered woman.”
June 26th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Wow! I’m kinda start struck right now.
Thanks so much Debra for taking the time to make a comment. Your book is so inspirational and has really made a difference in my life. There were so many relevant points that I want to do a number of posts on it. I have encouraged every woman I know to read it and I hope you are very proud of yourself for the exceptional job you do in encouraging woman to be all that they can be!!
And LaTrelle trust me this book will help you shed any insecurities you have and set you up with all you need to get you on your way to earning your worth!
Make sure to check out Debra’s website, it’s so informative!
http://ambitionisnotadirtyword.com/
Thanks again Debra! You’re truly an inspiration!
xoxo,
Coco
June 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
OMG…i need to read this book.
I’m always afraid of people I do business with thinking I’m a bitch but honestly… when I think about the “bitches” I deal with in business, I always give them what they want because a) have you ever seen a “bitch” when she’s not happy with something? b) I know they know exactly how they want something done and will not be afraid to tell me if I’ve screwed up my end of the deal.
I can also be a “bitch” sometimes but I don’t mind that people KNOW that I’m straight forward, don’t waste time, I know what I’m talking about and in turn the job gets done in less time and less “misunderstandings” along the way.
can’t wait to read it thanks….
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
A favorite quote: “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” -Muriel Rukeyser.
What I appreciate about working with and interviewing so many women is that it affords me the great privilege of learning something new every day (sometimes every hour) from the stories they share. Once we start talking to each other, we realize, “Hey, I’m not the only one going through this. I’m not a freak. And my ambition is the best of who I am. I’m going to go for my dreams.”
Ambitious women often isolate. We don’t always ask for help because we think it will make us look weak. Break the isolation! Form your own informal advisory board. Any time I’m having a hard day or week or month (hey, last year was hard–the whole thing), I force myself to pick up the phone and call one or two of my trusted peers or colleagues. It always helps. Even a five-to-ten minute conversation can help get me unstuck and inspire me to forge ahead.
Getting support for learning practical, nuts and bolts ways that we as ambitious women can earn our worth and fulfill our career dreams -— with integrity, and without sacrificing our personal goals — is a smart and easy strategy. We just have to tell each other our stories, our truths.