baby? maaaaybe!!!!
Before I got engaged, the question was ‘When are you getting engaged?’ When I got engaged the question was ‘When are you getting married?’ And now that I’m married and thought that everyone could take a little breather and give me a minute, the question has quickly become ‘When do you plan to start having babies???’
ZOMG!!!
Give a sister a break dammit! A weeeee bit of breathing room. SHEEEEESH! One life milestone at a time! Maybe people don’t have enough small talk to exchange, maybe my quiet demeanor makes them nervy or maybe they’re just damn nosy, but to be honest what if I don’t want kids? Or better yet, what if I can’t have kids? I’m not sure if people truly appreciate the pressure that women have to get all of this family stuff under their belt, while still maintaining a job, a happy home life and an active social one.
I’m pretty sure I want kids, and equally as sure that I can have them, but after spending what felt like a year planning a marriage the last thing I want to do is start planning for a new member of the fam. The reason why I find all of this so annoying is that I don’t believe any of these questions were (or are) bridged to my significant other. The only questions he got were ‘Are you really going to go through with the wedding?’ followed by ‘Dude, I cannot believe you did it!’ Ugggghhh!
Not to get into the whole male/female debate, but for realz being a dude is lookin mighty fine right about now. The pressure to procreate – which gains significant momentum the older you get – is intense for women… Being freshly 30 and having a husband significantly older than that makes the situation even more extreme. For some people, my situation allows them to feel like they can say things like ‘It doesn’t get any easier’ or make gestures to their watches while making ‘tick tock sounds’….
My biggest fear growing up was becoming a mother before I had attained a certain level of success. Although I realize raising a functional family is a task worth more accolades that it is given, my dream for myself included me being on the tip of world domination before even the slightest thought of a bun in the oven.
Things change, dreams of world domination morph into dreams of true happiness – a journey I am willingly traveling along – but I can’t help but think -even if I’m not going to rule the world- can’t I at least rule my uterus? The idea of having a baby, although wonderful and beautiful, also seems so life changing that I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone climbing the precarious corporate ladder while simultaneously trying to smash through the glass ceiling. When I was working at an investment firm as an assistant to the top dog, it wasn’t strange for me to hear things like ‘Make sure she’s over the baby making stage’… Translation: hiring women who might want to procreate is a burden, so let’s avoid them…. As a woman the pressure is on you from all sides. You don’t want to wait too long, but you also want to be able to etch out a place for yourself in the world independent of dependents.
Having a child should be a welcome addition to your life, not a necessity and definitely not the result of pressure or guilt. I took my sweet ass time to decide to get married and I think a baby deserves the same amount of thought – understanding fully the costs and benefits to that decision.
So next time you see me on the street and you have the urge to ask me when I plan on having babies don’t be sad for me when I say ‘I don’t know’. Be happy for my indecision and rest assured that when I’m ready, you will know everything, and probably a little more than you bargained for…
xoxo,
coco
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